Consider the Handkerchief

When I ran out several weeks ago, I decided to forgo Kleenex. I am done with facial tissues.

To begin with, ‘tissue’ is a ridiculous name for something that a man blows his nose with. (Not surprisingly, it comes to us from the Old French.) And to what exactly does the ‘facial’ in ‘facial tissue’ refer? Kleenex is even worse – a 1920’s trademark of a fabric called ‘Cellucotton’ that was used in gas masks in WWI and was originally marketed as a cold-cream remover.

Furthermore, it is an utter waste of precious space to pack into the valley even one box of facial tissues.

Finally, the pastel floral-print box looked ridiculous on my nightstand. I am not a purist, but my aesthetic hypocrisy does have its bounds.

So, forget for the moment that it too has its etymological roots in France and consider the handkerchief.

I don’t mean one of those silk accessories to a suit that men wear to dine out before they attend the opera. I mean the good ol’ American bandana-handkerchief, the dusky red ones with paisley print hanging out of the back pocket of any self-respecting car mechanic’s denim overalls, tied beneath the straw hats of California’s migrant workers, and never far from the greasy side compartment of any older Massey-Ferguson, International, or John Deere.

The handkerchief.

The handkerchief has several advantages over facial tissue.

Durability. The handkerchief not only serves its primary function well, effectively receiving a strong nasal blow, it can be employed with far more force than the facial tissue in the subsequent clean up.

Environmental Friendliness. Out here in Ithilien, where we don’t really have trash cans, this is very important. The handkerchief is washable, reusable, and cuts down on the unsightly if biodegradable waste of facial tissues.

Multipurpose. Here is where the handkerchief really shines in comparison to facial tissues. Whereas the tissue is designed for a very limited one time application, the handkerchief, as I’ve already hinted at, can be put to many diverse uses. The handkerchief can be used as to mop the brow, whereas the facial tissue leaves irritating lint. It can serve as an emergency bandage for serious wounds. If you’re struggling with a particularly slippery fish, the handkerchief again comes in handy; and you can clean your knife with a handkerchief after you’ve cleaned the fish. A small portion of berries can also be effectively carried in a handkerchief. I once used a handkerchief to catch crawdads. (Tie string to the four corners and bait the middle to create a fairly effective net.) Similarly harnessed though differently employed, the handkerchief can be used as a toy parachute if you suddenly find that you need to amuse a younger child. Bandana … gift wrap … cheesecloth … washcloth … small rope …

Consider the handkerchief.